The End of Goodbye
by BronBoop
Summary: "I wish you waited for me to figure out how to get you back before you went off and agreed to marry HIM of all people!" A story in which Gintoki tries to get Tsukuyo back even if she's engaged to a man he knows won't let her go that easily. Multi-chapter, very angsty.
1. Chapter 1

**The End of Goodbye**

"He's here again," mused one of the regulars at a bar in the seedy side of Kabukicho.

"He's been drinking himself blind this entire week," replied another customer.

"Think he owes a ton of money?" said the first customer.

"Nah, anyone who owes money that would merit this kind of drinking spree would have been picked up and beaten up by now," the second customer said.

"Hey now, he's keeping the business alive, so I can't complain," said the bartender, "but I heard it's got something to do with a woman. A courtesan."

"Musta been one hell of a courtesan..." the first customer replied with a swig of his beer.

Just then, a sultry waitress popped into the conversation, "That's the Shiroyasha, y'know. A renowned samurai. Explains that wooden sword he lugs around. Word on the street is some Yoshiwara courtesan left him for another man."

"Eh?" the customers and the bartender exclaimed in unison. "Who'da thought a warrior would be reduced to this all because of some courtesan." The second customer said.

"Can't really blame him. I heard she got engaged immediately after they broke up. And get this, her new fiance is friends with this guy!" the waitress dramatically said as she loaded her tray with drinks and sashayed away.

"Man, that's tough," the bartender said sympathetically, "no wonder he's trying to drown away his problems."

* * *

 _One more drink. Just one more._

Gintoki Sakata motioned to the bartender for another bottle of sake, the strongest one they have at the bar. He knew they were talking about him from the way the bartender gave him a pitying look. He didn't really care.

But he sure didn't need the bartender's pity. He didn't need anyone's pity. He just needed to drink. A few more drinks, so he can stumble on home and fall into a dreamless slumber. Anything, anything to take away all this pain that's eating at him with every waking moment.

 _Tsukuyo._

He shook his head violently and took three consecutive shots. Whatever it takes to drown out the memory of her name, her face, her scent, her everything. Anything to wash away the way her hair tickled his nose when he held her or the way her fingertips danced on his skin or the breathless way she would whisper his name in the confines of his bedroom. Anything, anything, anything.

For a time, she was his, and they were happy. They were deliriously happy living in his little apartment above Otose's snack bar. She became a part of the Kabukicho community, welcomed and loved by almost everyone (Sa-chan still couldn't forgive her, but they weren't hostile to each other at least). What he'd give to go back to those happier times. What he'd give to wipe away the memory of those happier times together, just so he won't have to feel this aggravating pain that keeps stabbing him in the chest.

A stab to the chest with the sword of his enemies would have been bearable; he could still fight back. But this helpless feeling, this gaping hole in his heart is a foe he can't fight with a sword.

 _If only it were that easy._

He had her. They were happy. Then shit hit the fan. And then he lost her.

It's a fact, but this constant realization keeps hitting him like a blow to the gut. She slipped right through his fingers after he had plucked her up from Yoshiwara and made her uproot her entire life to be with him. He'd have moved heaven and earth for her, but in the end, his own stupidity drove her away.

 _Gintoki, you fucking moron._

He'd have taken it if she were the one who said it, but it was everyone around him who had repeated those words to him time and again. Kagura, Shinpachi, Otae, Otose, Catherine, and even Hasegawa. They all urged him to run after her and make amends. But it was Gintoki's pride and stubbornness that paralyzed him until it was too late to do anything anymore.

 _Tsukuyo looked at him one last time the night they parted ways. She opened her mouth to say something, but all that came out was a sigh. A sigh that complemented her tired purple eyes. And then she was gone._

In retrospect, it was as if she knew this would happen. As if she saw this coming from a mile away. But still, she chose to be with him. She left the only home and only family she knew just to be with him. She allowed herself to be swept off her feet because she loved him. More than he deserved. And he chose to screw it all up in the end anyway.

'If I had never met her,' he mused to himself, 'If I had never fallen in love with her, never asked her out, never asked her to move in with him, what would my life have been like?'

* * *

It was summer.

The Yorozuya had just finished helping Tsukuyo with a mission regarding some smuggler who supplied fake sex toys to Hinowa's shop. It was an easy enough mission, one that they were able to finish in one day. They were all still fired up, so they decided to watch the sunset by the river with some dango.

Kagura, Shinpachi, and Sadaharu were frolicking by the riverside, while Gintoki accompanied Tsukuyo as she demurely sat on a nearby bench to smoke her kiseru.

"That's gonna kill you one day, you know." Gintoki remarked.

"Better this than an enemy I don't know," Tsukuyo responded with a smirk.

They shared a companionable silence for a while until Gintoki turned to face her, making her conscious.

"Hey," he started, "you should come by more often. I know you're busy with your Hyakka business, but it'd be nice if you could come around here on your days off. We'd show you around, give you some exposure to the world above."

Tsukuyo raised an eyebrow, "Ya say that like I'm some sorta hermit or somethin'."

Gintoki just shrugged, "I've been around all sorts of places. I'm a pretty reliable guide, you know."

"And if you were to be my guide, would you charge me for your services?" She asked, not without a slightly flirtatious lilt to her voice.

"That depends," Gintoki said as he scratched his head, "I'd do it for free if it were part of a date."

"Wha—"

"Giiiiin-chaaaaaaaan! Tsukkyyy!" Kagura yelled from the banks, "Come look, we found an alligator!"

"There are no alligators in this river, you idiot!" Gintoki yelled back, but still getting up to investigate. Turning to Tsukuyo, he clarified, "So how about it? Wanna go on a date with me?"

* * *

Walking home drunk was second nature to Gintoki. But walking home drunk, heartbroken, and miserable was another thing entirely.

He recalled a time when Tsukuyo personally dragged him back home after a night of drinking. She knocked him out, and before he knew it, he was back in his own futon with the morning sun assaulting his eyes.

The hangover he had that morning could have made him swear off drinking forever, if it weren't for Tsukuyo lying beside him. Her hair was a mess and half her face was squished into the pillow, but the way the sun bounced off her blond hair made her look ethereal. Just seeing her so relaxed in his presence was enough to lessen the pounding in his head.

And now, another man, **that man** , would be the one to see that vulnerable side of her when he woke up.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

Gintoki cradled his head in his hands and stopped walking. He hated how his once pure and unblemished memories of the life they shared became marred by the fact that it could be the same life she's probably living with that man who had the gall to propose to her so soon after they broke up.

He hated how he knew who her fiance is. He knew the man's face, his name, where he might be right at this minute.

He hated how he's the one she chose.

He hated how there's nothing he can do about it.

Most of all, he hated how he still loved her.

* * *

 **AN:** Sooo, what do you think? Please leave a review. I'll do my best to update this within the week.

And yes, the big reveal for Tsukky's fiance will be in the next chapter, don't worry ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**The End of Goodbye**

 **Chapter 2**

"Gin-chan? Giiin-chaaan!" Kagura called from the doorway.

As is usual since "the breakup," Kagura finds the house in disarray. There are takeout boxes on the floor, bottles of liquor stashed in corners, and the ocassional discarded shirt.

She sighs and starts fixing the place up a bit before Shinpachi comes over and worries even more. There are remnants of Tsukuyo's presence strewn about the house like the stone she uses to sharpen her kunai, the box where she keeps her tobacco, and, stuck between the cushions in Gintoki's office, a scarf he gave her the winter before. She picks up Tsukuyo's things and stashes them in a cupboard in the hope that, in their absence, Gintoki will find it easier to get over her. But she has learned that anything of Tsukuyo's that Kagura tries to hide, Gintoki still manages to find.

"Gin-chan, get up," she says from the doorway of his room, "we have a job."

He's slumped over in bed, his Justaway clock smashed to pieces yet again, but this time it's beyond repair.

"Gin-chan..." Kagura says worriedly, "I got us a job. It'll help you get back to your old self if you're productive."

Kagura never thought she'd be the one to encourage Gintoki to get up and be productive when it's so easy to just sit around and eat sukonbu all day long. But seeing him like this broke her heart, so she did what she could to get a job that would get Gintoki to just try to get back on track. Luckily, Shinpachi called her up that morning with a simple enough job.

"Hrngggrrr..." Gintoki grumbled from his futon, "don't feel like it today."

"Gin-chaaan! Come on, they're paying us big bucks to patch up a roof a couple of blocks from here. It's an easy job."

"'f it's so easy, why don't you and Patsuan go do it yourselves?" He tugged the covers up over his head and tried to go back to sleep. But Kagura was having none of it, so she dragged him by the foot towards the bathroom and dumped a bucket of cold water on him.

"GAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Cold! Cold! Cold!" Came Gintoki's startled voice as Kagura went off to the kitchen to find something to eat for breakfast.

* * *

"Ne, Gin-chan," Kagura said as they walked towards their meeting place with Shinpachi, "I read somewhere that when people break up, the best thing to do is distract themselves with other stuff. Like work or food or friends and stuff."

"I'm distracted enough as it is without you dragging me off and trying to give me pneumonia."

"I meant like a healthy distraction. Not drinking every night and waking up with a hangover. They say it's not a healthy mindset." Kagura said sagely as they rounded a corner.

"Dating a sadist isn't a healthy mindset, so cut the lecture and let's just get this job over and done with so we can get paid."

"Gin-chan! Kagura-chan!" Shinpachi hollered as he waved at them, "Suzuki-dono's house is over this way."

"What'd the old fart do to his roof this time?" Gintoki asked while picking his nose.

"Apparently, there was a burglar last night. Luckily for Suzuki-dono, his bodyguard was pretty alert and was able to drive away the burglar with a shotgun." Shinpachi explained.

"Was he trying to drive the burglar away or give the old geezer a heart attack?! What an idiot." Gintoki grumbled as they made their way towards the customer's house.

"But wait," Kagura mused, "if the roof needs fixing because there was a burglar, then wouldn't there be an investigatio—"

"Oh, good morning, Danna," the familiar deadpan voice of Okita Sougo greeted them in the entryway, his expression as blank as ever, "what brings you here?"

As the Yorozuya made their way inside the Suzuki compound, they saw that the place was teeming with Shinsengumi. In the background, Kagura gave Shinpachi a swift kick in the shin for bringing them to a place that could potentially make Gintoki feel even worse.

"Oi, Okita. We're here to patch up the roof. Caught the burglar yet?" Gintoki asked, trying to maintain his calm.

 _Just my luck to run into this bunch, hopefully he's-_

"Oi, Okita!" an all-too-familiar voice yelled from inside the house, "Go check the database and see if any of the recent burglaries around Kabukicho match this one."

Just as Gintoki started to walk to the side of the house to avoid any other Shinsengumi, he ran straight into the mayonaisse-guzzling, chain-smoking vice captain, Hijikata. The absolute last man on earth Gintoki wanted to see, and the first man on his list of people he definitely wanted to punch in the face.

"Gintoki." Hijikata cooly said, a lit cigarette dangling from his lip.

"Hijikata." Gintoki replied just as icily.

"I see you're here to patch up Suzuki-dono's roof."

"Yeah. It's a quick fix. We'll stay out of your way." Gintoki shrugged nonchalantly.

"My men are finished collecting evidence from the roof, so it's all yours." Hijikata gestured towards the dilapidated roof.

All Gintoki could do to keep himself calm was give the man a curt nod as he made his way to the back of the house to find a ladder.

As soon as Gintoki was alone in the back of the house, he took a deep breath and sat down on one of the stools. He didn't expect to see Hijikata, as he's been doing his best to avoid the man for the past couple of months... Ever since he somehow got engaged to the woman Gintoki's been pining for within the same couple of months.

They'd see each other from time to time, usually in passing and from a distance, but never in a situation where they might have to actually talk to each other. And then here they are in the same compound helping the same senile old man with the same problem. Fate is obviously screwing with Gintoki.

In a way, he kind of can't blame Hijikata for asking for Tsukuyo's hand in marriage. She's a beautiful, strong, and kind woman after all. Maybe Hijikata has always had a thing for her, and maybe he figured that with Gintoki out of the way, it's the perfect time to make a move. And by a move, it's a checkmate where his intentions for marriage is clear. It's just so damn unfair how Tsukuyo agreed to his proposal so quickly, as if the past year they shared together meant nothing to her.

And why the two most serious people he knew would get together is beyond Gintoki's limited comprehension, but the reasoning behind it is probably none of his business anyway.

If things work out between Hijikata and Tsukuyo, who is Gintoki to get in the way of their happiness? He'll get over it eventually. Eventually being the operative word.

If all Gintoki and Tsukuyo had was that one tumultuous year they spent together, then maybe he should learn to be thankful that he had a taste of that. Maybe it's time to accept that not all good things last forever. Maybe it's time to come to terms with the fact that whatever happens from here on end, they shared that one year where everything was far from perfect, but they were nothing short of deliriously happy.

* * *

It was autumn.

Gintoki woke up to the sound of footsteps padding all over his bedroom and clothes being strewn everywhere. He cocked one eye open and saw Tsukuyo walking around in one of his shirts seemingly upending everything she could get her hands on. If she only had one thing to wear for the rest of her life, he'd pick this outfit.

"Y'know, if you're trying to make a mess, you've already done a pretty good job." He said lazily as he eyed the graceful way her hips swayed when she walked around.

"Since yer awake, ya might as well help me look," she responded without missing a beat.

"What are you looking for so early in the morning?" He said as he scratched the back of his head.

She walked towards the futon and thrust something at him: it was one of her kunai hairclips. "I can't find the other one, and there's no way in hell I'm going home to Yoshiwara looking like a mess with just one hairclip."

"Ah, yes. Very important. I think I felt it stabbing me in the back while I was asleep. Did you check under here?" He said as he pointed towards his mess of a futon.

Tsukuyo knelt down and started patting the covers for her missing hairclip, when Gintoki suddenly grabbed her by the waist and rolled them both over until he had her pinned beneath him.

"This isn't helping," she said snarkily.

"It's helping me," he replied cockily as his hands started to wander.

"Gintoki, I have to go home. I told Hinowa I'd be back there before the end of the week."

"But it'll take forever before I get to see you again," he said as he started to kiss his way down her throat and towards her collarbone.

"Gin—"

"You should live here," he whispered against her skin.

"What?"

"You should live here," he clarified as he raised his head to look her in the eye, "That way we don't have to go back and forth between here and Yoshiwara."

"I can't live here with you and Kagura and Sadaharu. This place can barely fit two people."

"Once I give Kagura her cut for the last job, she can afford the downpayment for that place she and the sadist have been eyeing. She'll take her giant pooch with her, of course."

Tsukuyo shoved Gintoki off her and sat up as he lay down with his hands behind his head. "We've been dating for what, a couple of months? And you already want me to move in? I don't want to be the one to answer the door when Otose-san's beating on it to collect rent."

He smiled giddily as he answered, "Haven't you noticed that she hasn't been pestering me for rent lately? I've been paying it on time since we started dating."

Tsukuyo raised her eyebrow skeptically. Gintoki paying rent on time was like saying Kagura's too full to eat or Hasegawa's a millionaire.

"It's out of the blue, I know, but I've been trying to act like a semi-decent adult since we started dating. You're the first girlfriend I've ever had and I don't want to come off like some sort of cherry boy who's gonna act like a bachelor forever. I figured I might as well act the part so you'd stick around and be with me. You know, for the long haul."

"Did the previous writers quit and get replaced by shojo writers?"

"Some fan must have taken over," he shrugged, "but anyway, think it over."

"Are you seriously asking me to live with you?" She asked, still incredulous.

"Are you seriously going to be this stubborn forever?" He retorted.

Tsukuyo leaned forward and kissed him, morning breath and all. That was the moment Gintoki knew for a fact that this woman loved him so much that she'd consider leaving everything behind just to be with him.

* * *

"Did you find the ladder?" Shinpachi asked warily.

"Yeah, I got it." Gintoki replied as he hauled it towards the side of the house, "Let's fix this roof and get some parfait or something."

"I'll go get the planks!" Kagura chirped enthusiastically.

As soon as Kagura ran off, Shinpachi took the time to observe his boss. To other people, he may look exactly the same, with the way he's always got his arm in his yukata and his telltale half-lidded eyes. But to those who knew him well, there was something in the way he carried himself ever since he and Tsukuyo broke up. His gait was different, his shoulders slightly more slumped, and his demeanor felt more detached.

Shinpachi knew that his boss is just trying to put up a strong front to keep well-meaning people off his back, but there are days when he'd hear of Gin-san passing out at a bar or staying up drinking until morning. There was even a time when he heard Catherine worriedly talking to Otose-san about how Gintoki always sounds like he's trying to punch his way out of his room.

"Ne, Gin-san," Shinpachi said awkwardly, "if you... If you need someone to talk to, you can always talk to us."

"Eh? Talk about what?" Gintoki replied distractedly as he started to measure the size of the hole in the roof.

"You know, if you just need some company. Someone to vent to. We just want to help."

"If you wanna help me, go tell Kagura over there to quit flirting with her boyfriend and get the planks up here."

Shinpachi didn't know what to say. It's pretty obvious that Gin-san just wanted people off his back while he figured things out on his own. But he wanted to try to help.

"Ne, Gin-san," Shinpachi said after much thought, "I didn't know the Shinsengumi would still be here by the time we showed up. I'm sorry if you had to face Hijikata-san all of a sudden because of me. I didn't mean for this to happen." He dropped his head and sincerely regretted taking on this job if it meant adding salt to Gin-san's wounds.

"Ehhh, Patsuan," Gintoki said with a slight smile as he laid his hand on the boy's head, "It's nothing to worry about. It's bound to happen eventually, and it's better that I had you two around to keep my mind off the whole thing. And don't worry about me, I'll be back to normal soon enough."

Shinpachi beamed up at him, "Alright, Gin-san. We'll support you all the way." They started taking out some of the broken planks when Gintoki suddenly paused.

"Ne, Patsuan, did anyone tell old Suzuki-dono we'd be fixing the roof now?"

"Eh?" Shinpachi looked down and saw a very wrinkly and naked Suzuki-dono soaking in his tub. "OI, OLD MAN! THIS ISN'T THE TIME TO BE EXPOSING YOUR K*NTAMA TO US!"

* * *

The job was finished quickly enough, and they were promptly paid by Suzuki-dono who seemed quite oblivious to the fact that he had just traumatized two men while he was taking a bath. The trio decided to purchase some food before heading home to have dinner.

"Ne, Gin-chan," Kagura started as soon as they started eating, "I think it's time you knew about Hiji-"

"Don't talk with food in your mouth," Gintoki interrupted irritably as he shoved a dumpling into his mouth.

The Yorozuya members were seated around their dining table. Despite the sumptuous feast laid out before them, the mood was sour, mostly thanks to this morning's run-in with the Shinsengumi.

The two younger members had wisely avoided mentioning the incident while they were still at the Suzuki residence, but it was evident that Gintoki was more bothered than he had initially let on.

"Ne, Gin-san," Shinpachi spoke up, "we know it's a touchy subject. But aneue said talking about it would help you get closure."

"What would really help me right now is if we just drop it and move on with our lives!" Gintoki raised his voice, "Seriously, I've never had to deal with so many people being all concerned about my love life."

"Well, she IS the first. And you brushing it off like you do kinda makes us all feel a little uneasy..." Shinpachi trailed off.

"Uneasy? YOU'RE uneasy? I'm the one who had to deal with losing her and then finding out she's engaged before I could even get her scent off this house! Don't talk to me about uneasy!" At that moment, Gintoki realized that he had slammed his hands onto the table, startling the two kids before him.

"Oi, Gin-chan, no need to be so loud. We're just saying you might have a complete breakdown if you don't come to terms with what you're feeling. You can't drown your feelings with alcohol and sleep." Shinpachi insisted.

"He's right, you know," Kagura said as she refilled her bowl, "and I think it's about time you knew why Tsukky suddenly got engaged. Maybe it'll help you stop being so angry at her. And Hijikata-san."

"Pfft. I couldn't care less why those two decided to get together." Gintoki scoffed.

"Gin-san's in denial," the two deadpanned.

"What good would it do, anyway? Whether I know why they did what they did or not, the fact remains that they're engaged, and there's nothing I can do about it."

"Hmm," Kagura put down her bowl of food, an alarming sign that she means business, "actually, that's not completely true."

At this, Gintoki's ears perked up. Not completely true? Does that mean there's still a chance for him to get Tsukuyo back?

"Fine, fine," Gintoki said as he put down his bowl, "let's hear it then."

* * *

 **AN:** So a lot of you figured that it would be Hijikata that Tsukky's engaged to, but I briefly considered making it Takasugi. But that would mean taking the story to locations unknown, and also possibly involving Matako.

Please let me know what you think!


End file.
